Hey Dr Sue — Why Do Women Drop Hints Instead Of Being Straight Up With Their Partner?

There’s a really basic reason for this, that’s sadly not simple to fix.

Our society likes to tell women that they are not supposed to have strong opinions, and they need to be less assertive.

And so we’ve conditioned women to not directly ask for what they want, especially in the bedroom. I’m going to focus more on this aspect of a relationship than domestic labor. If your question was geared more towards the domestic labor side of things (like why can’t she just ask me to do this or that around the house), just let me know and I’ll do another post.

For some women there is the very real potential for the threat of violence from their partner. About one in four women report being the victim of severe physical violence by a partner. So for many women, the fear is that if they are too straightforward and say what they want, that could make their partner angry. And then they could be beaten or threatened.

If we’re talking about from a sexual perspective, like why don’t women just tell their partner what they want in bed, that can be even scarier. Because as a society we tell women that they are absolutely not supposed to be sexually dominant. If a woman says she wants a partner to do a certain thing sexually, the partner may…