Hey Dr Sue — Why Do I Like Consensual Non-Consensual Sex?

There are quite a few times when I get anonymous questions when I really wish I could ask some follow up questions. This is definitely one of those times!

I’m going to take my best guess as to what this means based off questions I’ve gotten at live events. If I miss the mark, please submit another question.

In surveys, the majority of all people, regardless of gender, report that they have rape fantasies.

But when we talk to people about these fantasies, it’s not about rape, it’s really about the idea of being controlled and giving up power.

Rape and being submissive are two different things. Rape and other types of sexual assault are violent crimes without the person’s consent. Wanting to give up power and have someone dominate you is not the same thing. And the fact that you started the question by saying that it was consensual shows that you’re okay with being dominated.

There are many reasons why people like being dominated. One is because it frees them to allow them up to enjoy what’s happening. This is especially true if you’re female. Many women in this country have been taught that they’re not supposed to enjoy sex, and to not be sexually aggressive. But if things are happening to you that you “can’t control” then you don’t have to worry…