Hey Dr Sue — Why Do Guys Act Different When They’re Around Their Friends Then They Do When They’re With Their Girlfriends?

I have to admit I’ve gotten questions like this before, and while it’s often true, I think it gives men a bad rap.

Regardless of gender, most people act differently when they’re around their friends than when they’re with their partners. Why? Because we have different rules and expectations for different relationships. Think about it, do you act the same way around your parents as you do when you’re with your friends?

And how about your really close friends? Do you act differently with them than you do with your acquaintances or your co-workers? Different relationships mean different levels of intimacy, which means you’re going to act differently. We all do it, so why is it often the men who get called out for this type of behavior?

One reason may be because of how we expect men to act. In this country we tend to socialize men to be tough and unemotional and so the friendships that they often develop with other men are based on these roles and ideas.

When they’re with their partner, guys may have a different level of emotional attachment that allows them to be more vulnerable. And that vulnerability is great… when they’re with their partner.