Hey Dr Sue — What’s a Good Way to Initiate Conversation About What My Partner Likes in Bed?

What a great question! If you’ve read some of my other stuff (or sat through any of my classes) you’ll know that I think communication is key to relationships. And while I say that all the time, I often forget how hard conversations about sex can be for some people.

Ideally I would love if you just asked your partner “what do you like in bed?” Not comfortable with that? Ok, let me give you some other options.

*Bring it up during sex play — what better time than in the moment to ask them what they want? They’re in the mood, you’re in the mood…. but be warned there can be a downside to this. If they tell you something that you aren’t willing to do, or something that makes you uncomfortable you’ve just killed the moment.

*Use something else to introduce the topic. Do you watch porn? Do they? If you’re both comfortable with porn, maybe you can show them something you’re into and follow up by asking what they’re into. Not into porn, use something else, an article from a magazine, a TikTok you watched, or blame me! Talk about reading this post, or show them, and follow up with “so what do you like in bed?”

A couple of things to keep in mind when initiating a conversation like this. As I said earlier, if they say they…