Hey Dr Sue — What Is The Average Duration A Session Of Sex Should Last?

There was a study done on straight couples from 5 different countries a few years ago. For that study they had people literally use a stopwatch to time how long it took from the time they started having penile-vaginal intercourse to the time he ejaculated. Average time? You ready?

5.4 minutes.

I’m not sure if that just made you happy or sad, so I’ll let you sit with it for a minute (or 5….)

But here’s the issue, this only looked at penile-vaginal intercourse. For so many people, sex means penile-vaginal intercourse and that’s it, and that’s a problem.

We have to start broadening our definition of sex to be more inclusive for two reasons. One, for some people sex doesn’t involve penile-vaginal intercourse because there is no penis, or no vagina. And second, when we focus only on penetration we make it seem like that has to be the goal.

This is why I hate the term “foreplay.” it sounds like whatever is happening must come before the “actual” sex, and it lessens anything that isn’t penetrative intercourse.

Sex play can include so many things — oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, video sex, mutual masturbation, sexy talk, getting your partner off with a sex toy…