Hey Dr Sue -I’m saving myself for marriage. How can I control my sexual urges until I find the right person?

Here’s the whole question:

I am a 23 year old female and I’m saving myself for marriage. How can I control my sexual urges until I find the right person? I have tried exercising but it doesn’t really help, and I don’t want to depend on watching porn and masturbation. Please help.

When you say you don’t want to depend on masturbation, does that mean it’s not an option at all?

The reason I ask is that sexual urges are incredibly normal, and masturbating is a great way to address them! For people who are choosing to abstain from partnered sexual activity until marriage, this can help them remain faithful to their values while still addressing their sexual urges.

I’m also curious what saving yourself means exactly. Does that mean no contact at all with anyone? Like no hand holding, or no kissing? Or can you do other things with a partner, just no vaginal penetration?

If it fits with your values and feels comfortable, you might want to think about outercourse. The definition of this differs from person to person, but for many people it includes everything from kissing to massage to dry humping.