Hey Dr Sue — I’m A Cis Female And My Partner Is A Cis Male. My Sex Drive Is Stronger Than His, Is That Normal? I Thought Guys Always Wanted Sex.

Let me start by defining cis since not everyone is familiar with the term. A person is cis when their body parts match their gender identity. A cis female is someone who has a vulva, was assigned female at birth, and identifies as female.

For decades there’s been this idea that men have a stronger sex drive than women. But we know that that’s not true, it’s just what society tells us.

We also make the assumption that men know more about sex, but that isn’t true for all men.

Both of these assumptions puts a lot of pressure on men. It makes them feel like they have to always want sex. And if they don’t then their partner might assume there’s something wrong with them, or with the relationship. I talked about this a bit more in this post.

Because of the assumptions we make about men and sex, they often feel pressure to always be the initiator of sex play. In reality, there are many, many men would like their other gender partners to initiate sex play.

But let me get back to the original question about sex drives. A person’s sex drive can be impacted by many things — how tired they are, their stress levels…