Hey Dr Sue — For Couples Who’ve Been In A Long Term Monogamous Relationship, How Can You Learn New Tricks?

This is a really common question.

Because we often don’t talk about sex openly, we only know what we learn from experience. That experience could be a lived experience, or it could be from something we read about or see.

I think porn can be helpful in giving people ideas. If you see something that turns you on you can show it to your partner.

Another thing you might find helpful are apps. The app that I’ve heard mentioned by a few couples is called Spicer. Each person downloads the app and then responds if they are or aren’t interested in doing certain things. The partners are then only shown what they are both interested in. You can learn more about the app on their website https://spicer.app/

Here’s are some other things I suggest to people in this situation.

Try something new. Anything. It can be using a sex toy if you’ve never done that before. Or if you have, using a new one. Just the shopping for a new sex toy, either in-person or online, can be a great turn on.

Have you tried edging? It’s a great way to change things up and doesn’t require an app or a sex toy. Edging is where you bring yourself and/or your partner to that point just…