Hey Dr Sue — Do Virgins Have To Bleed When They First Have Sex? If Not, Why Are They Expected To?

No, no, no, no, no.

I get this question so often and I really wish this myth would disappear.

First let’s clarify that this question is talking about female “virgins.” No one that I’ve ever spoken to has ever asked if a male virgin is supposed to bleed.

The myth behind virginity and bleeding is tied to the idea of the hymen breaking during first penetrative vaginal intercourse. I’m being really specific here and not just saying sex because the hymen won’t break from anal sex or oral sex, just vaginal sex.

Might some people who have vaginas bleed the first time they have vaginal sex? Yes. If they don’t bleed does that mean they weren’t a virgin? No.

Vaginal sex is not the only reason why the hymen can break. You can find out more about that by checking out my article What does “popping the cherry” mean?

The second question is a fascinating one. Over the years I’ve had conversations with anthropologists, sociologists, and historians about this. I’m going to give you my answer as a sex educator.

For many cultures, there is this idea that women should be “pure” meaning that they haven’t had sex with anyone else — a “virgin” (though I…