Hey Dr Sue — Do Most Women Consider Flirting Cheating?

For right now, let’s remove the gender piece of this question, since I think that what someone considers cheating is less about their gender, and more about their own values and personal experiences.

The problem with defining “cheating” is that there is no one definition. People might say that it’s when you have penetrative intercourse with someone outside your partnership (although no one actually talks that way in the real world).

But let’s get away from actual physical contact with someone else, because for many people that’s a necessary requirement for something to be considered cheating.

Let’s talk about emotional cheating. If you’re sharing your deep dark secrets and desires with someone other than your partner, is that cheating? Does it matter if it’s done over drinks? By text?

I know one person who said that cheating is when you do something you need to hide from your partner.

Others have said that cheating depends on the motive for their behavior, and that’s a good way to segue into talking about flirting.

Flirting may be seen as an open invitation to see what comes next, so some people may consider that cheating since you’ve emotionally opened up a door to doing more with someone.