Hey Dr Sue — Can A Person Ever “Earn” The Right To Know About Your Sexual Orientation?

This is a fascinating question!

As I’ve been thinking about the answer, the thing I keep coming back to is this idea of “earning” the right to know. For me, and I want to be very clear that this is my opinion, it’s less about earning the right and more about how the individual feels in terms of safety and security.

Let’s use a fictional person for this, and let’s call her Abigail. If Abigial was dating a man but identified as bisexual, I think it would be up to Abigail to determine when she wanted to tell the boyfriend. She might be worried about how he would react. If she was afraid he would be hostile, or violent, or hate filled, she might wait to tell him. Though if she was worried about that I would wonder why she was with him in the first place. There’s a lot that’s misunderstood about the bisexual community, so I could understand Abigail’s reluctance to come out. But if you’re in a relationship with someone I would think that part of being intimate is sharing the sides of you that not everyone gets to see.

It’s important to keep in mind that coming out is not the same for everyone. Bisexual people are actually less likely to come out then gay men or lesbians. This is often because of discrimination. And that discrimination is not just from…